Eugster's Fall Festival

Wow.  It's been a whole month since my last post!  I can't believe how time seems to just get away from me.

Today we went to Eugsters to pick out a pumpkin and go to the petting zoo.  Little did I know that it was, apparently, fall festival.  I've never been to this, or heard of it, before.  It includes tractor rides, petting zoo, 2 haunted houses, pumpkin patch and corn maze.  It's $8 per person, over the age of 2.  Seriously?  $8?  Plus, we then have to buy the pumpkins and popcorn and cider?  Mom was with us, so it was going to be $24 bucks.  BUT, when they asked how old Abram was I said, "he just turned two a few months ago".  Few could also mean 8 right?  I mean, that's just a FEW right?  Anyways, they were nice and let it go.  But, now I feel kinda crappy about it.

First we went to the petting zoo.  Got Abram a bottle with milk to feed the baby goats.  Of course, as soon as I handed Abram the bottle, he reverted back to infancy and shoved the nipple in his mouth.  I shrieked and yanked it away with such force that I scared him.  Eww.  God willing, every other parent of a toddler experienced the same thing today.  But, really - gross.  He cheered up once he got to feed the goats.  It was so cute - he was laughing hysterically.

Then we went to the kitten house.  Which has 8 little kittens and kids and hold and pet them.  Abram, of course, wanted to hold one himself.  So I had Abram sit down and I held the kitten in my hands and rested my hands on his lap.  He was very good - very gentle.  Pretty shocking for a 2 year old boy.

We went to the giant sandbox and he played with trucks and with other kids.  One of which was, hand to God, the ugliest little boy.  I mean - it was like his parents had continuously dropped him for months on end. Really depressing.

We went to see the puppet show, which Abram thought was the coolest thing since he discovered balloons   (Therefore, pretty flipping cool).  We nibbled on kettle corn while watching the puppets lip sync to monster mash and Old MacDonald 

Overall, a good, relatively stress-free day.  Though, it did take about 10 minutes to walk from the gate to our car.  At least.  Quite possibly more.  The reason is this:

On the way in, Abram saw a pile of dried mud.  Only this was not mud.  This was a cow pie.  I told him, "no no no - that's icky!  We don't touch."  But, then Mom said, "Abram...that's poop".  So, this means when we left the gate, every time he saw dirt (whether or not it was poop or just dirt) he had to stop and SCREAM "MAMA!!!!!!!  It's poopy!!!  Ick!"  It's like he would seek it out too.  We zig-zagged throughout the field of parked cars.

So, is it just my son who is obviously obsessed with poop?  Or is it every 2 year old boy?  Or is it just plain every boy?

The mystery continues....

This is why it takes 15 mintues to leave the house in the morning....

Sometimes, friends or family will forget that it takes me longer to get somewhere.  For instance, a 5 minute drive to daycare actually takes a 15 minute "prep time".  I'm not talking about getting clothes on, going to the bathroom, or eating breakfast.  I'm talking about from the time my hand touches the doorknob to the garage to the time I start the car and drive.  15 minutes.  Part of this is the frequent stops we take on the way to the car - part of this is that he has to walk himself - and molasses moves faster.

Each morning we go outside to head to my car.  As we near the door this is how the conversation goes:

"There door.  We go Tia's?  We go Tia's?"  Yes, we're seeing Tia.
"*gasp* Mama!  We go outside?  Outside?  We go outside?"  Yes, we have to go get in the car.
"Mama!  Door open!  It open? (garage door)"  Yes, I opened it.
"*gasp* there Mama's car.  There's Oma's car.  There's Maw's car.  There's truck."  Yes.  Yes.  Yes.  Yes.
"Mama!  It rain outside?  It rain outside?"  Yep, it rained outside yesterday.  It's still wet.  See the water?
"YEAH!  It water.  It rain outside.  See aqua?  See water?"  Yep, I see it.  Okay, time to get in your chair.
"Mama! (sees a bird) There birdie!!! AHAHAHA there birdie!!!"  Yes, honey, that's a bird. 
"Mama!  Where doggie?  Doggie sleeping!  Doggie sleeping!"  That's right. The doggie's inside, he's sleeping.
"(sees neighbor) HI!!!  HellLOO!  Mama!  You see? You see?"  Yes, that's Tim and Kris, did you say hi?
"YEAH!!! HIIIIII!"  Okay.  Let's sit in your chair.
"*gasp* Mama!  Where my bubbles?"  The bubbles are inside the garage.  We'll play with them later.
"But why, Mama?"  We have to go see Tia, Abram.  Come on.  Sit in your chair.
"Okay.  *gasp* MAMA!  There plane! There plane!" Yep, I hear it too honey.  There's a plane up there.
"YEAH!  A PLANE!!!"  Okay, time to sit in your chair.
"Okay. (climbs in himself and pretends  to fall) OWWWW!"  Did you fall down, Abram?
"YEAH!  Mama.  It hurt me.  I fall down and hurt me"  Oh.  Are you okay?
"yeah.  I okay."  Well that's good.  Let's sit in your chair.
"Okay.  Whoaaaa Whoaaa Whoaaa (pretends to loose balance)"  Abram, don't fall down.  Just sit, okay?
"I fall!  I fall!!"  No, you won't fall.  Let me help you.
"NOOOOO!  I help.  It's MY chair"  Yes, it's your chair.  You can do it.

I start to buckle Abram in his car seat

"Kiss Mama?"  Awww sure!  You can give me a kiss.
"(licks my cheek) Mama!  *snicker snicker*"  Eww!  That's gross.  You're silly.
"I lick!  I lick!"  Yes, you licked Mama.  It's time to go now.
"Okay."

So, in conclusion, if I'm ever 15 minutes late somewhere?  I blame this entirely on my child.  Although, I realize, that this will mostly likely create a complex.

"Why Mama?"

I never thought it would be like this.  I always pictured myself as the loving, patient, sweet and caring Mother who always explained everything a child was curious about.  I really am all of these things.  I just happen to be these things prior to the 9th "why mama?".  It must be some kind of mathematical, statistical, calculative equation (obviously I'm a math genius).  Eight "why mama?"s and lower - and I'm awesome.  Better than awesome - superb.

But, something inside me snaps at the 9th.  I think it's because "nine" sounds like "nein" which is no in German, and I'm something like 60% German and at the 9th "why mama?" my head starts screaming NOOOOOOO!  I know, very scientific.  I plan on publishing it in the Journal of American Medical Association.  

The conversation goes something like this....
"Abram, you can't have another popsicle"
"Why Mama?"
"Because we already had one and it was your dessert."
"But why Mama?"
"Because that's what you asked for, for dessert, and you already ate it."
"But why Mama?"
"Because you like popsicles."
"Why Mama?"
"Because they're sweet and cold, and feel good on your teeth."
"Why Mama?"
"Because you're getting some new teeth in your mouth"
"But why Mama?"
"Because you're getting older, and that's what happens to big boys."
"But why Mama?"
"Because big boys are strong, and they need all of their teeth."
"But why Mama?"
"*exaggerated sigh* Because I said so"
"But why Mama?"
"Enough discussion.  We're done talking about this.  Look!  There's your Lightening car!*****"

I figure, if I last 8 "why mama?"s then I'm doing okay.  It's the parents who can't last one, right?


****see previous post

Late nights? God, hope this is a phase..

Gosh!  It's been a long time since I've posted.  The reason is this:  late nights with Abram.  He has been staying up, more like refusing to sleep, until 9:00, 9:30, even 10pm some nights!  After that ordeal is over with I'm wayyyy to exhausted to clean, get ready for the next day AND write a post.

I don't understand it.  He sleeps only 1-2 hours for nap time and we play outside as often as we can and yet, 830 his normal bedtime rolls around and he is not having it.  I preform the whole ritual.  The reading of the books, the kissing every toy goodnight, the singing.  He'll lay there in bed and say, "nigh nigh mama".  But, after 10 minutes of being upstairs my "mom ears" prick up and I can here him getting out of bed and playing.

In fact, last night he didn't go to sleep until 9:45.  I found him nearly passed out on the bottom step of the stairs at 9:30.  He held up his little Cars Lightening McQueen figurine and didn't have the strength to say, "li ning" like he always does.

I put him to bed and his eyes were half-closed in a semi-conscious state.  What I usually call "drunk baby" because he has this silly half-smile and he's all wobbly.

So, what gives?  My sitter said all kids go through this.  But, that's usually her answer for everything (just to make me feel better and not like a complete parenting failure).  I suggested eliminate nap time, but state requires that she put the kids under a certain age down for nap.  Or that's her story.  Personally, she (like any human) would probably loose her marbles it if the kids never went down for nap time.

Meetup.com and all it's wonders....or lack thereof

I love my friends.  That said, they are young, recent graduates who are (for the most part) single and childless.  They simply can't comprehend the extreme difficult nature of parenting and what it entails.  Again, love them dearly.  The hardship that goes along with being a parent, is magnified when you're a single parent.  I have Abram full time.  His father has him 3 hours a week --- sometimes.  Anything my friends want to do...like plan a camping trip or a birthday road-trip or even just a movie night....I need several days notice and a sitter.  Why not bring him along?  No.  I know Abram will have no fun and to be honest and selfish?  If I'm going to be participating in these activities, I want to enjoy myself.  This does not happen if I'm entertaining/parenting/chasing an extremely active 2 year old boy.

Okay --- so there's the back story.  I posted an ad on CraigsList under the "strictly platonic" section.  Single parent seeking same.  It's probably still up, check it out.  Anyways....I'm desperately seeking someone in my situation   A single parent doing what they can to make it work!  We can chat while our kids play etc etc etc.  One of my responses (actually my only non-sexual ((ewww)) responses) was from a woman suggesting meetup.com.  I had never heard of it, and when I looked into it?  Sounds awesome!  I joined the single parent/divorced adults group and was so excited to meet new people.......

That leads us to the first meetup.com group event I attended, it was tonight.  I wanted my first time to be a kid-friendly event so I choose a BBQ at a member's house.  As today was approaching....I decided to ask Mom to come along.  Afterall, she's divorced, and I could use an out if things went south.  

And south they went.....

The event started at 4pm, we arrived about 445.  We brought our own meat to grill and a broccoli salad to pass.  When we arrived, everyone was already outside so we went around back.  No one even looked at us. We picked a picnic table to set the things down and I took the liberty to try to figure out who the homeowner was.  Impossible as there was 30 people and no one looked quite at home.  I grabbed the grillmaster's attention, asked him if I should put the salad inside or on the table?  He grunted then looked the other way...  I repeated myself to a group of 5 around a patio table.  A few shrugged and when I wouldn't avert eye-contact, one said, "I think you can leave it in your cooler until dinner is ready".

I returned to meet Mom and Abram, and I looked around.  There was 15 or so folding chairs set up in a circle.  Most were filled with people in deep conversation.  Again, no one looked at us.  Mom finally took Abram off to play, as all of the other kids there were 6+ and not interested in a curious toddler.  

I was hoping, while sitting on the picnic table (by myself) saying "hello" to people walking by, that someone would introduce themselves.  Not the case.  After about 45 minutes, the longest 45 minutes of my life I might add, we finally just grabbed our things and left.  

I'm pretty sure no one noticed.

On the way home, I was angry.  They seemed so welcoming online!  I'm trying to find people in similar situations and little kids for Abram to play with.  Why weren't they wearing nametags?  Why didn't anyone introduce themselves to me?  Why do I feel like I'm back in 7th grade?

Maybe I should have introduced myself to other people, but I tried on 3 different occasions to strike up conversations, and each time was given one or two word responses.  That is uncomfortable, inappropriate, and socially unacceptable.

Part of me wants to write on the group's wall, expressing all of this.  Part of me just wants to never go again and fade into the background.

All I wanted was to find a new playmate for Abram, and to find a parent who understand my challenges and supported me through this process.  I realize this isn't really a typical blog entry for me; but, I'm upset and I figure it is Abram-related.

And so the Cars Fascination begins...

"Cars" is by FAR the worst pixar movie ever made.  That being said, Abram has a full-out obsession over it.  Everything is "lign" this and "lign" that.  "Lign" is his word for Lightening McQueen.  Ugh, even typing that characters name was difficult.
We have the Cars movie.  We watch bits of it each day.  I say bits because he'll want to watch a specific scene, and really only that scene, and then he's done and wants to do something else.  The scene I'm talking about is when McQueen is trying to master the dirt track and falls off the cliff.  He laughs and laughs and points and looks back and me then back at the TV then back at me and laughs some more.  He often wants me to rewind this part and we'll watch it 5 or 6 times a night.
Then came the Cars thermos.  Which he cherishes dearly and doesn't let anyone else drink out of it.  Then came the Cars clothes.  Which I have to discreetly stash away in the linen closet while he's busy in the bathtub playing with his Cars bathtoys.  If I do not?  He will find them, and no matter how dirty, will want to put them back on.  If I don't allow this, he is thrown into the deepest depths of despair imaginable.  Then came the Cars Toddler Bed (see previous post).
Finally, he has a complete set of Cars merchandise with his new Cars play tent (complete with sleeping bag and flashlight) which is plays in, pretend sleeps in, eats in etc etc etc.  Only, it's portable.  So, he wants to take the whole tent wherever he goes.  In the bathroom to go potty?  Why not take the tent.  In the kitchen for dinner?  Why not take the tent?
Sigh.  It seems I will never be rid of Lightening McQueen and I'm sure I'll be guilted into taking the stinker to see Cars 2.  Wait.  Scratch that, we will rent it.  I will not pay $20 to see it in the theater.  Though, I'm pretty sure this family has already provided the wages for a Pixar employee on what we've purchased....

My Son is a Primate

I've come to the realization that Abram has primate blood in him.  (Yes, I know, we all kind of do because of evolution blah blah blah not the point).  I have several points to this thesis.

1.  Climbing Skills:  From a very early age, I mean 11 months.  He began to climb.  At first just stairs and climbing up to a sofa etc.  This has evolved to a ridiculous point.  He climbs up this dishwasher (using only the sweat from the bottom of his feet as tools) to actually sit on the counter top.  Not to mention his monkey-like hanging behavior as seen in "ToddlerBed" post.  Towards the end of his crib days, he would actually shake the crib like a cage and jump around it.  This is exactly what monkeys do at the zoo.

2.  Grunting as Form of Communication:  His speech is slightly delayed.  I blame this on his fascination with grunting different tones and pitches as communication.  I'm probably enabling him because I learned this language.

3.  Poop Throwing:  This is very disgusting.  Those with a weak stomach should skip this.  I want to be clear that he doesn't actually "throw poop".  Before I completely potty trained him, he sometimes would take off his diaper if he had just went #2 in it to "help me".  This involved taking the diaper off and whipping it on the ground.  Often this would happen after he was in his crib for the night.  I would check on him after a little while to see poop scattered around the room, him completely naked, and doodoo wiped around his crib.   Abram would have a blank face and start repeating "eh poo eh poo eh poo eh poo".  Both creep-ed out and nauseous   But, to be fair --- this hasn't happened in a few months.  Not to say this hasn't continued to give me night terrors.

4.  Using Feet as Utencils/Hands:  If we're sitting on the couch watching a show and he's eating some fruit snacks...he never just eats them.  He sticks them in between his toes and feeds them to himself, with his feet.  Gross.  If I ask him to hand me something, he'll pick it up with his hands, come over to me, put it between his toes and then give it over to me.  Also, and this isn't exactly in this category but whatever, he will use his finger tips to stab food.  It's weird.

Thus....the conclusion of primate blood.  How else can you explain this?

Road Trip

Packed up with Mom and Abram and Myles to La Crosse to pick up some of my belongings/have visitation with his father.

On the way up Abram conked out for about 45 minutes but was overall a happy happy baby.  Keep in mind this is a 2.5 hour drive...but the reason he may have been so cheerful was that I was sitting in back with him.  There to make silly faces, there for my hair to be pulled, my skin to be stickers, my arm to be licked etc.

On the way back, this a beast of a different nature.  I was expecting Abram to sleep the whole way back, because we left La Crosse right at his nap time.  No luck.  Don't get me wrong, he was tired (more like hysterically exhausted) but he was doing everything in his power to fight it.  He was whining, screaming, crying, yelling, babbling and throwing an all-out temper tantrum.  I didn't bring toys (yes, stupid) because I thought he'd be sleeping.  So, we stopped off and picked up a book.

Mom bought the Elmo Music Player and Storybook (FYI do not buy for under 3.5 years) to keep him occupied.  It includes 4 plastic "C.D.s" with the music player.  But, it's sort of difficult to get the CD lined up right even for an adult --- you have to match it with a half-circle and it won't snap in so if you move the player at all it'll fall out and when.....REGARDLESS.....Abram cannot do it himself.  What he can do himself is take it out.  So, and I'm not exaggerating, every 90 seconds he'd say, "*squeal* mama holp (aka help) it fall dow".  So I'd reach back (I'm now in front as Myles is driving the U-Haul) and put it back for him.  90 seconds later same thing.  Then if I wouldn't respond right away, he'd repeat himself only louder.  Still not fixed and replaced?  Resorts to toddler violence(throwing CD on ground/under the seat).  This went on for 2 hours.

In conclusion, thank you Mother for providing Abram with hours of fun while still stealing the last thread of sanity I hold dear.

**NOTE:  Abram squeals before he says something, sometimes, when he wants you to know it's really important.  I think it's sort of brilliant, because everyone always looks at him when he does it.

The Nighttime Saga

Our nighttime routine is extensive, to say the least.  We head down at about 8 and start.  He goes potty twice, we say goodnight to all of his stuffed animals (there are 9) and this is especially important for Elmo.  Elmo likes to tickle people and his goodnight kiss is never a quick peck.  It's a series of necking and tickling and more necking and finally kissing.  After all the goodnight kisses are handed out....we focus on what's really important: the reading time.

We read 4 different books, and we read them at least twice.  But his favorite book, of the moment that is, is David  Smells.  This book talks about the 5 senses and it's probably his favorite because of what we add to it.  When the first picture shows up with David trying to pet his puppy...Abram and I "pet" eachother and say touch touch touch TOUCH!  When we see David trying to eat a yucky sucker we say num num num num EWWW!.  Etc Etc Etc.  He finds this absolutely hilarious.  He's hysterical the whole time.  But the best sense is when we smell David's stinky diaper.  We make sniffing noises and wave our hand in front of our faces saying, "P.U.!  That's so stinky!!!".  He laughs and laughs and laughs.

For everyone with a toddler, especially a boy, he will find this hilarious!  (No, I'm not a paid spokesperson...though --- I wouldn't be opposed to it...)

Finally when all this is complete, I give him a kiss and a hug and sometimes he wants Tylenol (water in a dropper...loooong story) as a stalling method.  But overall, it's only once or twice up lately after that --- and then he's down for the count.  Keep in mind this takes roughly 45 minutes.

Mall Play Area

Went to East Towne tonight for some Air Conditioned energy burning fun.  (Note to self: go to McDonalds from now on).  They have this little play place geared toward toddlers.  Now, even though this place is geared toward toddlers and there's a sign saying you can't be taller than 42 inches to play etc ---- this doesn't stop parents from actually dropping their kids off and leaving to shop.  How outrageous!  To leave 8 and 9 year olds unsupervised, what are they thinking?  So what happens is I end up moderating and babysitting these kids.  Making sure they're not getting hurt or hurting others etc.  These particular kids were running in circles playing a version of tag.  Meanwhile there are 1 and 2 and 3 year olds waddling and crawling around.  They're being hopped over like hurdles.  No parents anywhere.

What's not quite as bad, but still not good, is when the parent IS there but does nothing to stop this behavior.  Giant 9 year olds running crazy with food and drink in hand, while knocking over kids.  Oh, don't worry, Daddy's right there to watch/play games on his iphone.  Great parenting buddy.

Whew!  Rant over.

On another, cuter, note:  there is this adorable tree slide at East Towne and Abram loooooves going down it --- goes down the regular way, head first, sideways, on his hands/knees.  (Don't worry it's only 2 feet off the ground with more like a ramp than a slide).  Adorable.

Froggie

Last weekend my Mom and Jim took Abram to the zoo.  He loved it, pointing out the animals, feeding the goats, he especially loved the building with the insects and reptiles (typical boy).  They bought Abram a rubber Frog with beads inside so he's more malleable.  He loves it, has to sleep with it.

He calls it his Fogckd.  Abram has a hard time with "r" sounds and is enrolled with a speech therapist for other speaking delays.  Anyways.......Fogckd sounds eriely similar to "F**ked".  He'll look at me at bedtime with these said eyes and say, "Mama where Frog? Mama where Frog?".  This actually sounds like, "Mama we're Fucked?  Mama we're Fucked?".  Needless to say it takes everything in me not to burst into laughter.  But his speech teacher, Ann, gave instruction to repeat what he says but correctly.  This is very difficult.  Luckily he doesn't normally say those words, in that order, in public.  Thank God.

I really need to videotape this for documentation.

Toddler Bed

June 2011

So Abram started learned how to crawl out of his crib about 1 month ago.  For awhile he would just come upstairs, and I'd bring him back down.  Then he started attempting stunts, or what I lovingly refer to as the "cat nap".  This stunt is performed when he props himself up on the arm of the crib, wraps his arms and legs around the slots, and gingerly rests his head on the 1 inch wide bar.  He thinks this is hilarious.  I, obviously, had a different reaction.

My solution was to drop one of the crib sides down to the lower setting.  He will not fall out, but can manage to climb in and out without giving me a stroke.  I thought I'd work with this for a few months....how I was wrong.

He began attempting new, more dangerous, stunts.  Like standing on the lowered side, while balancing with the short side.  Trying to see how long he could go without holding on.  Some kind of game I think.  No surprisingly, my blood pressure increased exponentially to how long he was able to go without holding on.

My Mom and her boyfriend (for 5-6 years now) bought Abram a plastic Lightening McQueen bed.  *Quick note, I've seen that movie over 40 times now, each time is more painful than the last*  Abram loves it.  He loves saying goodnight to Lightening's face, piling all his stuffed animals up, and most importantly....quick escape route from me.

It's been about a week.  And his bedtime has gone from 8pm to 9pm.  Yet, he still wakes up at 615am each day.......

Ahh, the mysteries of children.

Introduction

Hello!I should start by introducing myself, I'm Gretchen.  I am soon to be divorced (3 months and counting) and have a wonderful, beautiful, hilarious son.  He is 2 years and 4 months.  His name is Abram.  No, we're not crazy religious.  No, we're not Amish.  I am asked that a lot...a lot.

I won't get into my relationship with his father on here - because that's not really what this is about.  This blog is about Abram, the joys and terrors that Motherhood brings and how I rejoice/cope with them.

June 2010

This is my first attempt at a blog --- so we'll see how long I keep up with it.

Thanks for reading :)
Gretchen